1) "you soldier,are you happy in the army?" "As happy as can be expected, I suppose, sir." " And what were you before you joined?"  " A lot happier!"

 

2) A soldier serving abroad recieved a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend breaking off their engagement. She also asked if he could send her photo back. So he collected all the unwanted photos of girls from the entire regiment and sent them to her with a note saying "sorry can't remember which one you were, please keep yours and send back the others!" (this is so funny, my favourite)

 

3) Walking into an army surplus store, a man asked if they had any camouflage jackets. " Yes we have " came the reply, " but we can't find them"

 

4) The Swiss have an interesting army- 500 yrs without a war, pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there- corkscrews, bottle openers. " come on buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy behind me, he's got a spoon! Back off, I've got the toe clippers right here!"

 

5) They were doing medical examinations for army entry and a man came in with one leg 9 inches shorter than the other. The Medical Officer said " Yes, fine, you're in". "Wait a minute" said the man, " I've got one leg 9 inches shorter than the other." "Don't worry" said the M.O. " where you're going the ground won't be level!"

 

6) "In my regiment we used to shoot first and ask questions later" said the elderly colonel. " Mind you, we never got many answers!"

 

7) Representatives of the army, the navy and the air force were called upon to speak at a dinner. Proud of their traditions, the army and the navy kept referring to the air force as the Cinderella of the forces. When it was the turn of the air force representative to speak, he began: I know very little about Cinderella, except that she had 2 ugly sisters! 

 

8) Did you know that the Royal Corps of Signals experimented with crossing a carrier-pigeon with a woodpecker. They wanted to get a bird that would knock on the door before delivering a message!

 

9) A war correspondent visiting Afghanistan for a second time noted that, since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front. The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality. "No", the man replied. "landmines!"

 

10) Policeman: I'm going to have to lock you up for the night.

      Suspect: what charge?

      Policeman: There's no charge, it's all part of the service!

 

11) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography!" (RODRIGUEZ)

 

12) Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms! ( MARX)

 

13) War does not determine who is right. War determines who is left! (ANON)

 

14) A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him! ( WINSTON CHURCHILL)

 

 

 

    That's enough...